GRISWOLD’S PERSONAL CAR is a bit of an asshole, but that’s exactly how he wanted it. He told those goddamned snakes to make him a badass car to run over assholes. Powered by the Anti-Asshole AI1As a result of a coding error, this thing also desires to rid the world of literal assholes as well…, this car views everyone except Griswold as an asshole, and if set to “Hunter” mode will begin to drive on its own and run over anyone in sight2It once singlehandedly plunged The Panty Mafia into a war with a pirate crew who severely misunderstood the name and docked in Panty’s Landing to find some booty, but also singlehandedly wiped them out that same night. Some nights, when Griswold grows bored, he turns it on and lets it run all night. The car always returns in the morning soaked in blood.

Some might say this car is Griswold’s only friend, and they’d be right. Before [REDACTED]3Redacted. A mystical being who few have even heard of. Some say they linger these pages, covering up important details, ever aware of how much it sucks to get stuff spoiled happened, he’d sit in the front seat, drinking beer and watching camera footage of all the people the car had hit, and they’d both laugh. The Anti-Asshole AI might not be human, but it knew Griswold wasn’t an asshole—well, by the standards it had been programmed with, at least.