KERN

First, see this page to learn about The Panty Mafia and Kern and Bon’s beginnings. Here we’ll only be detailing what happened after Kern joined The Panty Mafia.

WITH THEIR ORGANIZATION FOUNDED, Kern and Bon enjoyed a brief year of absolute and awesome peace¹“Peace” being used loosely here. They were warring and suppressing many gangs, killing many people, and robbing a lot. But nobody head the power to match their panties, so they suffered few causalities, and those that did die were mocked—they were quickly becoming the top dogs and all those people who’d spit on them for so long were now respecting them. The two spent all their time together, partying, conquering, or planning for the future.

The good times couldn’t last forever, though, and before long, their different ideals became apparent. Kern purely wanted to kill those corrupt in Panty’s Landing then establish order²Panty’s Landing had seldom been run by anyone with good intentions, if ever. Every year a book is published called BEST PLACES TO DIE. Panty’s Landing is always the cover. Give the panties back to people, actually try to take down crime. You know, become a real city with a real government! Unlike his brother, who wanted to dominate these people and keep expanding and taking more cities, Kern had been hardened by his life, but not eviled³Kern harbored no hatred toward the humans. He understood it wasn’t as cut and dry as “every human bad” and “every stuffed animal good”. He didn’t think Bon did either–it was just an easy rhetoric to spew to justify his actions.

Their relationship grew more strained, but hadn’t broken. Kern believed he could convince his brother to melt the coldness from his heart, but the more missions he went on, the more innocent people he killed, the more impossible it seemed. Eventually, his body had been beaten to the point that he couldn’t even use the panties anymore—they damaged him too gravely.

This was when he overheard that Bon was planning to kill him. He wasn’t useful anymore, so why keep him around? Kern wasn’t saddened by this news, as he’d begun to hate his brother before this, after the incident at [REDACTED]⁴Redacted. A mystical being who few have even heard of. Some say they linger these pages, covering up important details, ever aware of how much it sucks to get stuff spoiled with [REDACTED]. He’d only been hanging around, hoping he’d have an opportunity to kill Bon himself and do something good with the Panty Mafia. Instead, he fled, taking the panties with them and hoping to find someone to use their powers awesome Bon.

He’d been on the run for a whole month⁵Most of this month was spent dumpster diving for food, robbing cheap drugstores for cash, and sleeping in broken down cars. It reminded Kern of his childhood far too much and he hated itbefore meeting Lucia, and hopes she’s the someone to defeat Bon.

Because if she isn’t, he’s fucked, she’s fucked, and Panty’s Landing’s is fucked…