BERA BELIEVES HE’S A STUFFED ANIMAL and who’s gonna tell him otherwise? Years ago he was scrawny and weak, but thirteen-hundred protein shakes later he was on the cover of Beefy Beefcake1A porn magazine featuring beefy dudes and beefier dongs magazine showing off the, ahem, goods. While he was a celebrity for a while, work eventually slowed down, and he found himself homeless and struggling.
Until he found god—er, panties, which he’s become entirely devout to. In his mind, the afterlife’s a field full of them to endlessly frolic in, and he must reach it at all costs. The panties, they speak to him, calling his name in the dead of night, vibrating Morse code into his groin!2This phenomenon is becoming more prevalent, and nobody’s sure why. Some people wonder if it’s an attempt by the Panty Mafia to brainwash people.
This revelation occurred far outside of Panty’s Landing, in a small western town which actually had law enforcement3gasp. He got into a bar fight with a member of the Panty Mafia who’d been sent away on recon, and accidentally killed him4Harry the Koala. A master of espionage. The Panty Mafia often sent him to the outskirts of Panty’s Landing to ensure there were no gangs on the horizon. He always reported they were safe, but typically just drank in the same bar. This is where the panties first spoke to him, telling him he’d killed a prophet and that if he wanted to atone, he needed to become a prophet as well.
Wearing the head of the stuffed animal he killed so that he may never forget his crime, he traveled to Panty’s Landing, met with Bon, and begged to be made a “prophet”. He was denied, but given a chance—if he somehow manages to collect 1 million panties, he’ll be allowed to join the Panty Mafia, and his sins will be forgiven!5At first this was a joke. Bon planned to kill him if he ever got close. But Bera’s proved useful, and so they’re looking into a surgery to transition him into a real stuffed animal…
And thus Bera roams the land, killing anyone wearing panties and taking on the Panty Mafia’s biggest bounties, hoping to appease his stuffed prophets and one day be accepted into their ranks.
